This is the first draft of a framework I have been working on since 2019 and will likely be refining for the rest of my life.

The purpose is to help people with complex trauma backgrounds to enter/re-enter society. A question I frequently see on forums is that people feel like they have done enough personal emotional work to start making connections, but have no idea how to do so, or what to try. This framework is partly inspiration and partly a guide for how to join groups and evaluate them as to how they contribute to well-being.

Group Activity Types

1. Individual craft (writing, photography)
2. Collective craft (theater, band, dance)
3. Skill/Strength based competition (sports and games)
4. Organization towards a goal (volunteering, activism, work)
5. Affinity group with no goal (forums, friends, lovers)

Joining Groups

The first time you do this is the scariest, because you likely don’t have a robust support system elsewhere. You should have at least a partial sense of self-acceptance, and willingness to reject discomfort. Otherwise, you may be putting yourself at risk by not being able to look out for your needs, as described below. Ideally a mentor can help you evaluate whether the group is helping you.

Quality Evaluation Measures

1. Joy (Am I having fun?)
2. Safety (Can I express my thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment? Can I be my authentic self?)
3. Growth (Am I learning/being challenged?)

Not every group you join needs to satisfy all of these measures, but across the board, I will definitely notice if I don’t have access to one.

Dual Relationships

Let’s say your romantic partner regularly joins you for a weekly screen printing class. Eventually you both develop friends in that group. If at some point you go through a rough patch with your partner. If you want to rely on support from friends in the screen printing class, it could be complicated and feel potentially unsafe since your partner has stake in that group as well. This phenomenon is how close-knit university friend groups can be destroyed by in-dating.

Further Research

One aspect missing from my framework is Identity. Identity isn’t something I’ve considered as deeply due to my generally falling within the protection of being a white middle class cishét man, with a somewhat mainstream cultural heritage. I view identity not as fixed, but as a variable, which changes depending on your environment. ie. identity is often handed to you due to someone else’s judgment of you. I’m not sure if that cleanly fits into this taxonomy, but maybe someone smarter than me will write about it.

Link to this post